On Food Stamps

I wrote this a while ago and didn't realize I saved it instead of published it... Oops!

As VISTAs, we're recommended to apply for SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, more commonly refered to as food stamps) before we enter our service year. That's just part of the experience of a VISTA's poverty level salary. At first, I wasn't going to do it because I didn't really think I would need it, but my ever wise Mother mentioned that maybe it was less about the funds of SNAP and more about the process of applying for them, receiving them, and using them for groceries. I knew she was right, so I went ahead and applied.

Man am I glad I did! The amount given to me every month makes it possible for me to continue paying the bills that I still have from college. And mind you, these are not frill bills either. We're talking basic cell phone, car, power, rent... the only bill I have that I could probably live without is internet, but I don't have cable/tv of any kind so I figured that would be my substitute (and I also worked with the company to get a really good deal this year). Those are just bills. That doesn't cover other expenses, like gas. As I'm sure you can imagine, the roughly $800 a month VISTA stipend goes pretty quick.

But then there's SNAP. Ooohhhhh SNAP. How lovely you are. You allow me to buy fruit and veggies and whole grains instead of ramen noodles and preservative-filled artificial imitation food products. I now see why programs like this are so important, and how they can really make a potential difference for struggling families. Of course there are restrictions (no hot prepared food, no alcohol, and no paper goods) but overall, the benefits from SNAP are easy to feel.

I had some extra SNAP funds around Christmas time so I made cookie plates for all of my coworkers and neighbors. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to afford to do anything special for them.

Paying with SNAP has become MUCH less noticeable than traditional food stamps. Where before there was a book of literal stamps that needed to be torn out to pay for groceries, that could be lost or misplaced, or whathaveyou, now it is a small discrete card that is automatically refilled when the new month begins. No one but you and the cashier has to now you are paying with SNAP. Pretty sweet right?

Accept for it's really easy to spot when someone is treating you differently because you are paying with SNAP. I usually go grocery shopping after work. I'm well-dressed since I work in an office, and Ethel is along as my trusty stead. To the naked eye, I am not what people normally think of when imagining someone on public assistance. Also I smile a lot, which is always confusing to people no matter what the situation. I get up to the counter with my cart full of whatever. I chat up the cashier (I'm one of those people) and when it's time for me to pay I swipe my card. Except the cashier has to enter a code, so I have to make sure I flash them my card before I swipe it. More than one time, I have witnessed a person completely change from pre to post card reveal. Sometimes they become quiet or get a little less reciprocally chatty. Sometimes they straight up give me the face. Maybe not all grocery stores require a code, but ours does. Or the other one in town is much smaller and the cashier actually has to swipe the card for me. One time, a cashier was flirting with me hardcore until he saw my plastic badge of government assistance. **Note to self, try to scare creepers away with SNAP card**

The point is, I don't think any of these cashiers had that reaction on purpose but it seemed almost involuntary. I'm not sensitive about it, because I know this is part of my year of experience and that after I finish serving as a VISTA, I won't need them. But I'm sure to those barely squeaking by, any little sideways glance could make them really self-conscious. It might even be enough to prevent people from using them who really need them.

And I'm one of the lucky ones who have wonderful people working in the public assistance office. They are always super friendly, and extremely helpful. Even before I worked in the same building as them, they went out of their way to make sure I was set up before I arrived in Montana. Some VISTAs have had nothing but trouble with their public assistance workers, making the experience all the more embarrassing and potentially humiliating.

I make a lot of jokes about my groceries being "courtesy of the taxpayers" but the truth is, I have no idea how I would've been able to stay afloat without using SNAP. We have a stigma as a culture believing that the use of public assistance means a weakness. I believe a misuse or manipulation of the system is weakness, but using resources available to you to get ahead is smart. If you need them, or think you might qualify, don't feel the need to choose between pride and groceries.

Do you have any experiences with SNAP or food stamps? Did it bother you to have to be on them? Did you ever refuse to allow yourself to utilize this program because you thought it was for a different type of person? I'm curious to know...

"Grow old with me, the best is yet to be!"

I've never been one to fixate on looks. I take care of myself and definitely abide my standard hygenic grooming practices, but I'm by no means what some would consider "fussy." Today I got my hair cut for the first time since October (okay, maybe I'm a little lax on some standard grooming practices) and a comment another woman made there really made me stop and think. She said "It would be so nice to come in for just a hair cut when I finally felt like it. I have to come in regularly to be colored young again." I laughed, as did the few other people in the salon, but as I sat in the swirly chair, draped in plastic cape, with my chin to my chest, I began to think about it more.

We hear all the time that society is obsessed with youth and beauty. I'll make a confession, when I was just a tiny wee lass and I would hear people refer to society, I thought they were talking about a person. Adults talked about people I didn't know all the time, so the fact that I had never seen Society and didn't know he/she looked like didn't stop my child brain from personifying it. I heard that "Society has changed," "Society is too eager to please," "society is so obsessed with unimportant things..." See how I might have gotten confused? What made it even more confusing is that when referencing poor, misguided Society people never seemed to speak as if they were included in--how was I supposed to know the term included almost everyone!? I don't remember exactly how old I was when I figured it out but to this day when I think of society (uncapitalized now, see how I did that?), I think of a singular entity that is unrepresentative of the whole. I assumed that agism, or any undue honoring of youth was one of those things that jerkface Society was trying to make us believe was important.

But the pursuit of everlasting young is everywhere. And frankly, that terrifies me. I'm 23 years old. By almost no ones standards am I old, and yet commercials are already telling me it's time to start watching for sign of aging. The fact that this year has gone by so incredibly quickly makes my head spin. Heck, I can't even pickle myself because that would make me wrinkly! What kind of image are we setting up for ourselves and our future children when even in youth, we can't enjoy it because we are too afraid of losing it?

I will never be perfect. I will never have perfect skin, or hair, or teeth, or eyebrows, or the perfect body. Instead of trying to dig my heals in the sand against an unstoppable force, I'd rather have a good story behind my journey of aging. I hope to be like so many women I admire in my life and wear my imperfections as signs of glory, as recognition and thankfulness at being shaped by God's hands. If this year of VISTA service has taught me anything, it's that priorities are important and some things should never make the list.

So no, Society, I will not order your wrinkle creams, and your cellulite preventative lotion, or your "youth dye." I'll take dignity, to go.

Happy 23rd Birthday to me! Yes, I am sitting on the floor to eat my cake modeling my birthday tiara with my disheveled hair, like all adults do on their birthdays. 

What Teaching Kids Taught Me

I remember the day, back in high school, when I was told something startling: people don't change as they get older. They may become wiser from life experience, they may make better choices, they may become more conscientious of others... but deep down we are the same in high school as we are are going to be for the rest of our lives. My next logical conclusion was that who we are as children is as true to ourselves as we will ever be. We haven't had time to learn to fear the other. We haven't yet been bullied into following the crowd. We haven't yet become embarrassed of who we are, just maybe things that happen or things we do. I miss that. Working with children along my journey to adulthood helped me relearn many things I once knew to be true as a child. I made a list of all the things I can think of right now that were learned working with children and apply to daily life even after the fact. I suppose it's really a list of how working with children can make anyone a better person.


1. Some days everyone will sit, pay attention, and behave appropriately. Some days they won't.

2. Never be afraid to get your hands dirty. Soap is always there, opportunity for adventure is not.

3. Make sure you are able to sit on the floor in whatever you're wearing.

4. Don't over-analyze. Accept the fact that some things are just magic.

5. Would it be worth a timeout?

6.  Even a good lie is hard to get away with, and much harder to remember the second time.

7. The "helper" is always the best job to have.

8. Find ways to protect the things you care about, even if no one else sees the value. Keep them in a safe place, but don't leave them in your pocket to be washed.

9. It never hurt anyone to believe in the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus.

10. Trust people. Beware of "stranger danger," but believe that everyone is good at heart.

11. Playing pretend is the best way to learn.

  

12. Keep your friends close. Involve them in all your best schemes.

  

13. Happiness is beauty.

14. Laugh when provoked, even at inappropriate times. Odds are someone else needs to hear it.

15. Nothing is too insignificant to be prayed about.

 

16. Embrace uniqueness. Haters gonna hate. 

17. When someone compliments you, accept it without question. You are, after all, awesome.

18. There will be times when you will get hurt, through the fault of your own or others. That's a risk you have to take.

19. It is very important to give good hugs.

20. Refuse to believe limitations.

 

There you have it. Not exhaustive by any means, and may be amended at a later date. I've got a little more growing up to do first.

Any suggestions?

A Thank You Prayer

I'm terrible at writing thank you notes. If it was a crime to not send thank you notes, I would be spending the rest of my life in jail. It's not that I don't appreciate things. I DO. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart. But I think so much and so long about how thankful I am that it leaves no time for writing a note. Was that a flimsy excuse?

Anyway, I had to write notes for the people who participated in our last awareness events, which got me thinking about a few other "thank yous" I should acknowledge, which culminated to the ultimate thank you I owe! Here's the best I could come up with:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you Lord for the extremely mild winter. There have been no blizzards, no large accumulations of snow, and very few days of below zero weather. There have been very few windstorms or icy roads to be trapped in. There have been no bears finding their way into my apartment and helping themselves to the contents of my fridge. There have been very few mornings of scraping ice of the windshield, and even better, there has never been a morning when Ethel has not started. 

Thank you Lord for keeping me from contracting any rare, incurable cold weather diseases. I had the flu, but it was gone in 3 days and I am grateful to have had so many concerned for my well being. There is no frostbite on my fingers, toes, ears, or nose. Thank you Lord for helping me appreciate the coziness of warm fuzzy socks and hot chocolate. Thank you for days when going outside is not necessary, and looking out my window is like looking into a snow globe. 



Thank you Lord for the people you have placed in my life. Thank you for my fellow VISTAs who are sharing this adventure. Thank you for my coworkers at the courthouse who have gone out of their way to make sure I have everything I need. Thank you for giving me a Supervisor who also delights in you, and trusts me enough to let me explore and make my own mistakes. Thank you for giving me a family that understands my desire to travel across the country to help people I have never met. Thank you for old friends who brighten my days with long conversations that feel as if we’ve never been apart. Thank you for the church family you have given me who take time to call or send texts, cards, and packages, just to remind me that they still care. Thank you for friends and family who are willing and able to travel long distances on uncomfortable flights into less than perfect weather to visit me. Thank you for always making sure I feel loved.

Thank you for the adventures. Thank you for the time to play in the snow. Thank you for all the new experiences that I have had this year. Thank you for letting me stay alive after my first skiing trip (I did not appreciate the horrible pain afterwards but I understand that you can’t shield me from everything. Consequences are important).  Thank you for the mountains and the lakes and the wide-open spaces. 

Thank you for always being with me wherever I roam. Thank you for helping me to succeed often enough to feel confident, but fail enough to know that you are always in charge. It is only by your grace.  Thank you for allowing me to see you in the many people and situations that have risen here. Thank you for this beautiful gift of life.

 

Amen.

My Snow Angel

The Start of 2012

Here I sit, late at night, on a small, mostly empty plane on my way back to Montana. We all know after I finish this I will most assuredly fall asleep. I can’t believe my visit is already over. I guess it was pretty long but it just seems to have gone by so fast. I spent it almost exclusively with family, a bit different then previous trips home but somehow even more special. Most of my friends are off on the adventure that is their lives, even if they are still in the area. We aren’t all home for extended breaks at the same time anymore.  Of course that’s disappointing, but in some ways exciting. Many great things are happening for people and just because I don’t get to hear about all of them in person doesn’t make them any less significant. The world is no longer measured in semesters. I did however get to see my good friend from Pcola, April, who moved down to Tampa recently. I’m so happy that worked out!

New Years Eve, April came over for a bit and had dinner then played board games with the family. Games in the Mettetal household are always interesting. You have Mom, who makes up rules as the game progresses according to what benefits her at the time, Brenda, who is fairly competitive and known for dishing out some trash talk, and me, who doesn’t really get competitive until I win then it’s “IN YOUR FACE” (in so many words). The final character is Dad who walks in and out of the game and contributes to whatever team he feels like whenever he thinks of an answer. He’s like drawing a wild card. It’s fantastic when he happens to come up with a last minute needed answer for your team but when it happens for the other guys this method of contributing is much less appreciated. April carried her own and I’m proud to say she and I won 2 out of 3 games of Outburst. Other scores for other games need not be mentioned…

As it got later April went home and we found ourselves under a blanket on the couch waiting for the ball to drop. Brenda and I saw Mom falling asleep and tricked her with a fake countdown. She didn’t think it was nearly as funny as we did. The ball dropped, we cheered, then fell asleep like the crazy party animals we are.

News Years Day, I got to go back to the church I grew up in for the first service of 2012. A lot has changed there but through it all we know we serve an unchanging God. I decided to make some New Years resolutions and post them here in the hopes that someone will try to hold me accountable.

*I will do my best to maintain daily devotions. I will not however beat myself up when I miss one. I will not regret decisions or mistakes made. I will cherish lessons learned. 

*I will send at least one note a month to encourage another person. Preferably by mail.  I will make an effort to tell people how much they are appreciated.

*Any attempts made at losing/maintaining weight will be done for purely health reasons, not vanity. As a temple what goes on inside is what important, not what the temple looks like. Does that make sense? That said, maybe if I think of it that way it will be easier to make healthy choices.

*I will not purchase or acquire clothes/shoes/etc. without getting rid of an equal number.

*I will not save insignificant things purely because they belonged to someone else before me. A person is in a memory, not an item. Someone else may can use it more than my sense of nostalgia.

*I will  secure my own mask before assisting others. (Okay that one was inspired by the slight turbulence we just experienced.)

2011 was a crazy year for many people. 2012 is a new chance, as is each day, hour, minute. Let’s all see what we can do with the gift of time God has given us.

I think I’m ready for my in flight nap.

Dreaming of a Warm Christmas

I love Christmas: carols, cheesy clay-mation movies, cookies (especially cookies). Everything about Christmas time just makes me feel merry and bright, for lack of a better expression. I especially love that Christmas is a family time. Being 2,500 miles away is great for adventure but not so great when it comes to keeping in touch with your family. Because I have some of the most fantastic friends ever, I was given a round trip ticket to be with my family for Christmas. I don’t know how I would have been able to go home without the generous gift.  Shout out to those awesome people—you know who you are :)

I was supposed to arrive in Ohio to meet my Mother and Sister on December 23. Before that, I’ve been loving spreading a little Christmas cheer around Deer Lodge. I decorated my apartment using 2 rolls of wrapping paper. I didn’t want to invest a lot in decorations I don’t even have room to store, so I figured this way I could just recycle my decorations when they were done. Plus I got the paper for about $1 a roll so it fit well into the VISTA budget. I made a tree on my wall with the help of John and Jill when they came visit. I also made wrapping paper wreaths and covered my table with wrapping paper instead of buying a themed table clothe (which worked out way better than I anticipated). I used a 99 cent box of candy canes to make candle holders.

Wrapping paper Christmas tree. Space saving, green, and quite adorable if I do say so myself. I would never have been able to make it even and level by myself...

I was peer pressured into decorating the first floor of the courthouse as well. Apparently, the top and middle floors usually go all out for Christmas and the bottom floor is the Scrooge floor. Not this year! I told you, I love Christmas.

            Then the time came for me to go home. I will admit here to the internet world something I am highly ashamed of… … … I missed my first flight. It was scheduled to depart from Helena at 6 am so my plan was to leave Deer Lodge at 3:30, get there at 4:30 and have plenty of time to get through security, etc. Around 11 pm the night before, I still had a bunch of stuff to do but I was absolutely exhausted and decided I would allow myself a little power nap. I set my alarm to ring at midnight so I would wake up with plenty of time but not be in danger of falling asleep on the drive over aafter being up all night. I was out like a light and when I woke up, dazed but refreshed I looked at the clock to see that it was already 3:30 and I hadn’t done anything I needed to wake up for, not least of which was packing.  So. I threw a bunch of stuff in a bag and did the bare necessity of my to-do list and flew out the door on my way to Helena. I called my mother in a panic as I was flying down the Montana interstate on my way to McDonald’s Pass (which is plenty scary when you’re not running late at 4 AM). Long story short, I made it to the airport 15 minutes before my plane was supposed to depart and the security line was 50 people deep. I could hear the intercom calling the last call for boarders. I asked to skip ahead in the line and was told that could cause someone else to miss their flight—point taken. I was pretty upset about it then. I felt irresponsible and even a little stupid for doing something so careless. As these things do it ended working out for the better. The nice man at the ticket counter rescheduled me for a flight the next day that would take less time. I went home, got some sleep and actually got everything done that was needed for me to be gone for 2 weeks. I even got to finish up some last minute presents. Just when I begin to feel like an adult is when something happens to remind me that I can grown up but never grow out of making mistakes. Lesson learned. For now.

Needless to say I made it in PLENTY of time for my next flight and got to Ohio safe and sound. It was great to be with the family and spend some time with loved ones I usually only get to see about once a year. Ohio also means shopping galore, which I have become unaccustomed to with the VISTA budget. After a few days in Ohio, Mom, Brenda and I piled into the car for the traditional 18-hour drive-a-thon back to Florida. We ate junk food, shared memories, talked about the last 6 months, sang songs we knew by heart and made up words to the ones we didn’t know then changed some to words we liked better. You know, the usual. I’m pretty sure the annual road trip is something the three of us all look forward to.

It was a wonderful Christmas and I still get to be with my family until January 5^th. Looking forward to soaking in some of that Florida sun I always took for granted.  I can’t believe that God would bless me so richly to give me a family I love, friends willing to be there for me any way they are able and even strangers who will go out of their way to help. Thank you Lord for sending your son as a baby so that we might be saved.  We can never repay the debt we owe but hopefully we can st least learn an example of giving to each other just as you gave to us.

I treasure this time with family and realize this means my year is just about half way over. I can’t wait to see what’s in store next!

PS. Writing Christmas cards is hard y’all. I think I’ll have to put off starting that tradition for yet another year.

A VISTA Thanksgiving

I was SO SO SO excited to have two awesome friends, John and Jill, come up to visit me for Thanksgiving. Not only that, but we were joined by two of my wonderful new friends, Allison and Sam. I decided that I wanted to host my first Thanksgiving this year. I have been doing a lot more cooking lately, thanks to my "From Scratch" experiments (learning how to make one new thing from scratch a week). My only goal was not to set anything on fire. Setting the bar pretty low means less chance of disappointment.

Well I'm pleased to say not only did I not set anything on fire, but by the grace of God everything came out how it was supposed to, and warm all at the same time. Beginners luck you could say. I was so incredibly grateful and have John and Jill, and Allison and Sam there. I realized I have plenty else to be thankful for as well. It's easy to think of the big things, but every once in a while when the overwhelming grace of all the small blessings add up it really makes a big impression!

My first blessing was thinking of all the new people I have gotten to know here. VISTAs are great and a lot of fun to be around. Everyone works very hard and is passionate about what they do, and yet somehow no one takes themselves too seriously. Then there are the people in Deer Lodge who have opened up and welcomed me in, as if I've always belonged here. People have given me their phone numbers to make sure I had someone to call "in case of homesickness." Others have left small gifts around the office for me if they thought it was something I might need. As a matter of fact, the majority of things I used to make and serve Thanksgiving dinner were all borrowed from people working at the court house. I asked to borrow a roaster and a knife from one woman. Instead, she lent me a roaster, a knife, 2 plates, a huge thing of foil (how did she know that would be so handy??), and a bread basket. Another woman heard that I was trying to make my first Thanksgiving and just volunteered to bring a bunch of serving plates and bowls, just in case. I ended up using everything they loaned me. Everything fit perfectly, and I had exactly enough. Thank you Lord for a delicious, blessed Thanksgiving.

I was given a book to read called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. In it, she stresses the importance of being content with the gifts God has given you, as well as recognizing those gifts. She raises the point that sin is created out of ingratitude. We are searching for more and more, never fully realizing the miracle it is to just have life. Instead of constantly thinking "I will never be fulfilled if I don't..." it should be more like "I can't believe I already have so much in my life." That's especially important for me to remember now. It's easy, at least for me, to get distracted from the idea that I am merely a vessel. I become preoccupied with the good I am trying to do, or the things I need to accomplish. When instead I need to remember that just being alive is a gift. I need to do nothing with that gift besides use it as God intended. John said something while he was here, "Also, you come from a background of faith." At the time, I had been going on about how it wasn't that hard to adjust to life in Montana (besides the weather) because I enjoy the company of people of all ages. I can't even remember all the other pointless things I was saying. But when John added in that small sentence, without intention of correcting or preaching, I knew he was totally right. It could matter less about any other element that seems to have helped me along the way up here. What matters in a background of faith.

I still don't know where I am going after this. I'm looking in to a lot of different options and have many different ideas. But I'm not worried. After all, it's not about what I think needs to happen, it's about knowing that whatever happens is a gift. I long to find myself a shining diamond of God's love, set in a ring of faith, on display only for His glory on His hand.

I'm off to craft like a Christmas fiend. Less than 2 weeks until home (and warm)!!